Transitioning to a “Big-Kid” bed
Today’s blog post is a deep dive into everything we did to help our daughter transition into a “big kid” bed. We moved our daughter into her big bed about three weeks ago, and I want to stress that things aren’t perfect, but I feel really proud of the progress she’s made in that short time. I’m going to walk you through the through process behind why we decided to move her into her big bed, what we did to prepare, what supports we have in place to help her sleep independently all night long, and some of the bumps in the road we’ve experienced along with what we did to troubleshoot them.
It’s Time
The first time we foolishly tried to move our daughter into her twin bed was in the winter of 2023 when I first found out that I was pregnant with our second child. I had heard that if there are any big changes you want to make with your first (potty training, transitioning to a big bed, etc) you should do it months in advance of the due date of your second child, so that you’re first child isn’t all the sudden dealing with a ton of big changes at once. Therefore, I decided it would be a good idea to get Imogene sleeping in her twin, so that we could have the crib for the baby. This was a HUGE mistake. Imogene was not ready for this at all. It resulted in fear and discomfort on her part, and a lot more night wake ups for us. We quickly abandoned ship, and luckily hadn’t taken down her crib or anything, so we just put her back in her crib, and moved on with life. If you are expecting a second child, hear this, do not take your toddler out of their crib if they are under three years old. They are not ready! Get a crib secondhand if you are worried about the expense, or let your baby sleep in the pack n’ play with a sleep-safe mattress. Most babies room-in with their parents for the first 2-6 months of life anyways, so please for your own sake, do not move your toddler out of her crib. The crib we bought second-hand on facebook marketplace, was well worth the money. It took the pressure off and allowed us to all sleep better. It also allowed the transition to be led more so by our toddler than by us.
Fast forward to 2024, and my toddler has just turned three. Three is kind of the magic age where moving to the big bed becomes a reasonable idea, but some kids aren’t ready until closer to four. At three your child may have developed enough to begin to understand restraint and when they can and can’t get out of bed. This is still a huge skill for them to tackle though, and not every toddler will be ready just because they hit three. For us, there were three big factors that impacted our decision to make the switch. 1) Imogene, who has been potty-trained during the day since she was 2.5, began to express a desire to use the potty at night, and would sometimes cry for us at night so that we could help her go to the potty. Up until this point we just put her in a diaper, and she slept through the night and usually woke up with a wet diaper. Now if she wet her diaper she was becoming upset. 2) We’ve got a tall girl, she’s in the 90th percentile for height for her age, and quite frankly that crib seemed a little cramped; we wanted her to be comfortable. 3) Girl’s had three years to collect stuff, and her most recent stuff, such as a huge doll house she got for her birthday, were taking up a lot of space in our living room. Along with new baby stuff, our living room was getting pretty cluttered, and we wanted to relocate some of Imogene’s things into her space, making her room more of an independent play area during the day.
Preparation
Rick and I mulled over the transition for a while and then started talking to Imogene about it. She was pretty excited by the idea of moving some of her bigger toys into her room, and the idea of being able to get up to go to the potty; the real cincher was Nana taking her out to pick out some new patterned sheets for her big girl bed. If you are planning your own switch, and you have the funds to do so, it’s definitely a good idea to take your toddler out and let them pick out some exciting new bedding. This gives them ownership over their bed and amps up the excitement.
The next thing we did was remove the box springs from her twin bed. We got a simple set of wooden slats to put under her mattress in place of the box spring. This lowered her bed considerably, so that falling out would be less of an issue. We also moved the bed into the corner, so that there was only one side she could fall out of. We opted not to add a toddler rail, although you certainly could, but we just decided we wanted her to learn how to sleep in a bed without anything extra. Notably she has not fallen out yet. I think because it’s so much bigger than her crib was, she just doesn’t move enough at night to fall out (knock on wood). We made a big deal about involving her in lowering her bed and taking down the crib, which we did all in one day. We knew if we didn’t take the crib down she would probably end up back in it after a few of those middle of the night wake-ups. Just like when we potty trained and went straight from diapers to undies (not pull ups or training pants), we decided to go straight to the bed, full stop.
We also took the time to double check the safety of her room. Her furniture was already anchored into the wall, and electrical cords were tucked behind furniture where they could not be reached by her, we also made sure we had plastic covers over the outlets. Toys with small parts that could be choked on were put away on top shelves in the closet, or on top of her tall dresser which she couldn’t reach. We also removed two stools that were in her room, so that she wouldn’t climb on them. Safety-proofing the room is so important. Accidents are still the leading cause of death in young children, and after the crib is removed we have to treat the whole room as a crib. Some parents may also choose to remove toys from the room if their child has a temperament where they are tempted to get up and play in the night. That has not been the case with Imogene so far.
That first night we didn’t change too much else. We already had a “ready to wake/ready to sleep light” in place, and we already had a bedtime routine checklist, and bedtime cue-cards in place, so her routine was really similar. We did place a night light in the bathroom, and equipped her with a flashlight for potty trips. We practiced what it would be like to get up to use the potty at night. We put her to bed in a pull-up still because we didn’t want her to be worried about having an accident.
Troubleshooting Bumps in the Road
The first few nights went surprisingly smoothly, we checked on her a few times after putting her to bed, and she fell asleep pretty quickly. She did get up to use the potty and then often needed a little help from us getting through that routine and getting back in bed, but once she was in bed, she did pretty well. Probably around night three things started to go down hill. My guess is the novelty had worn off, and she realized she had this newfound freedom. Several issues arose. I’m going to lay out each problem and what we have done to troubleshoot them.
Getting out of bed several times right after being tucked in: Imogene began to pop out of bed as soon as we tucked her in, and would do this 3-4 times. Her 7:45-8pm bedtime was starting to turn into a 9:00 pm bedtime.
Check-ins: In order to fix this we decided to check in on her a TON! I reiterated to her that her job is to lay in bed, close her eyes, and try to go to sleep. My job is to come in and check on her. She didn’t need to get out of bed to find me, because I would be going back in to see her. Check-in’s are hugely important when transitioning into a big bed. Make sure you start your check-in’s quickly after the tuck in, think 30 seconds! Then stretch out your check-ins to 2 min, 5 min, 10 min. Etc. until your child has fallen asleep. Keep those check-ins brief. We’re not coming back in and going to the bed to sing another song or give more hugs. I like to hang out by the door and just whisper “I love you, you’re doing great! Mommy will be back in five minutes” or something to that effect. If you feel like your kid is about to drift off to sleep, don’t check in right away! You don’t want to actually delay them falling asleep by checking in too often, or making your check-ins too disruptive. On another note, she began to ask us to leave the door cracked, and we agreed to do this, which did cut down significantly on the amount of times she popped out of bed.
Fear of the Dark: Most of the time when Imogene would get up at night her main complaint was being afraid of the dark. Nightlight: While she had always slept in a completely dark room in the past, we decided to implement a dim night-light. We kept her hatch glowing red on a lower percent, and added in an orange night light with a dim setting. The night light seemed to ease her anxiety of the dark enough to help her fall asleep more quickly. If you are using a nightlight make sure you use orange or red light rather than a white or blue light. Keep it dim. A brighter night light can actually cast shadows which can make the room look more intimidating. In addition, bright lights can disrupt natural hormone production needed for healthy sleep and development. On another note, we did end up removing the flashlight from the room, which became a toy in the night!
Extra Comfort:We also added in some support items for extra comfort. For example, I found a soft double picture frame and put family pictures in it so she could look at it at night. We also let her choose one of her dad’s t-shirts from the drawer to have in bed with her. In addition, we practiced “a middle of the night wake plan”. Her plan if she woke in the middle of the night was to take a deep breath, hug one of her loveys or her daddy’s shirt, and tell herself “I am safe”. Then she should try to close her eyes and go back to sleep. We practiced this each night before bed.
Waking Up Early: In the past, when Imogene awoke early, she’d be in her crib, so she really had nothing to do but fall back asleep. Now, when she awoke early she had the opportunity to get out of bed, which she did! For these early morning wakes we implement two new things.
Okay to Read Light: We added a new light to her Hatch system; she picked out the color blue. The light turned blue 15 minutes before it was okay for her to leave her room. During those 15 minutes she was allowed to turn on her lamp and read in bed. When the light turned green she was allowed to get up for the day and leave her room. Oddly enough she does not usually do anything when the light turns blue, but I do think it signals to her that the green light is just around the corner and allows her to practice a little extra restraint to stay in bed, since she knows it won’t be for long.
Incentives: We also put together some incentives. If she stayed in room until the light turned green she got a penny to put in her piggy bank, and a sticker to place on a chart. For a bigger prize, we started at three nights, every three nights she earned a sticker, she could pick a larger prize. We happened to have a bunch of small toys squirreled away from random events and holidays and she could pick one of these (for example when our son was born a lot of folks brought small gifts for Imogene, some of these we stowed away for later, we also had things like chick-fil-a happy meal toys, and old party favors we stowed away. You can also create a little treasure box of prizes easily and affordably). We also set a goal for ten nights. If she could stay in bed til the light turned green for ten nights, her father would 3D print her a trophy.
How it’s Going and Additional Thoughts
Things still aren’t perfect. Imogene still struggles with early wake-ups or getting up at night, every few nights. The most important thing we are doing is being consistent in our response. We always make sure she goes straight back to bed, and we don’t allow her to get into bed with us EVER. We walk her back to bed, or walk her to her doorway and watch her get back into bed. We give her a quick reassurance, “You’re safe, and you can do this. I love you, goodnight,” and we leave the room. I know over time our consistency will help her gain the confidence she needs to stay in bed.
Securing the Door: Many folks choose to secure the door of their toddlers room to keep them in at night, and this can be a really good option.
We chose not to secure Imogene’s door for a few reasons
1) the way our house is set up we have a super secure baby gate blocking off the bedroom area from the rest of the house, so if Imogene does get out of her room, the only place she can go is to the bathroom or one of the other bedrooms.
2) Imogene has a sensitive temperament, having the door cracked open made her feel safer, and actually resulted in less disruptions, when we did try a safety knob on the door to keep her from opening it, this led to more panic and disruptions.
3) Imogene is learning to use the potty at night and we wanted her to have access to the bathroom, which she does use on occasion in the night without much disruption.
4) For our parenting style and preferences a lock on the door just didn’t feel like what we wanted to do, but if things change in the future, it might be something we try in order to protect Imogene’s overall wellbeing and safety. I know for me if she were ever to go into her baby brother’s room, securing the door would be implemented immediately.
Reasons I would advise securing the door:
Your child has a mischievous temperament and tends to get into things that could potentially harm them, or keep their other siblings awake
You have no way of limiting their access to the house at large
Your child is under three years old and doesn’t have the ability to practice restraint (for some kids this could be as old as five years old, as it will be based on your child’s personality and temperament)
You feel better about it as a parent! (Guess what? You get to decide what works for your family!)
When making the decision whether or not to secure your child’s door the main things to keep in mind are safety (is my child safe if they can get out of their room?) and comfort (am I providing enough support and comfort to my child when I am securing the door). Remember when we are securing the door, we are still providing comfort measures to the child to build up that sense of confidence around sleeping in their bed. If you don’t want to lock the door I like these three options:
1) a child proof door knob cover, easy to install and remove whenever you want
2) a “monkey-latch”, you can install this device so that you can still leave the door cracked open for your child, which is really helpful for some children. They just can’t get all the way out.
3) a baby gate in the door; although this doesn’t work too well with strong-willed children who tend to learn quickly how to climb over it!
Need More Support?
Whether you have a toddler or a preschooler, you’ve made the switch to the bed or you’re still in a crib; it is possible to sleep-train and improve your child’s sleep and yours! If you need more support book a free discovery call https://calendly.com/slumberbunnies/discoverycall or check out our sleep packages at slumberbunnies.com/sleep-packages. When they sleep, you sleep!
