Preparing your toddler for a new sibling
If you have a toddler and you’re expecting a new baby soon, you’re probably wondering what you can do to prepare your toddler for the arrival of their new brother and sister. I know I felt a lot of mixed emotions while I was expecting my son. I was worried my daughter would feel neglected by me when he arrived, I worried that it would change our bond. While our household dynamic has changed, I am happy to report that our bond is just as strong as ever. What’s even more gratifying is seeing the bond that Imogene shares with her little brother. The affection she holds towards him is truly amazing to see. In this blog post I’ll talk about some of the things we did to prepare our toddler for the arrival of our son, Arthur; both practically and emotionally.
Involve Your Toddler in Setting Up the Baby’s Room
One of the things that really helped Imogene understand that a new baby was on the way, was being involved in setting up the nursery. We let her “help” build the baby’s crib, and we had her pick out books from her book shelf that would be good for the baby to have on his shelf. I showed her the bassinet and explained that babies need to be very close to their mommies when they are first born, and showed her where the baby would sleep in our room. She was excited to see that the baby would have the same nightlight/sound machine as she had. We would often spend time in the nursery talking about what it would be like when the baby arrived. Many of the baby’s things were her old things, so we talked about how cool it was that she got to pass down her old things to the baby.
Look at Pictures of Your Toddler as a Baby
One thing we loved to do together was look at pictures of Imogene as a baby. We showed her pictures from the hospital, and images of our first days at home together. I showed her pictures and videos of her nursing and contact napping. This gave me an opportunity to show her that she got all the love and attention and care that her baby brother would soon need. It also helped her visualize how tiny the baby would be; and what she could expect from day to day life. I shared with her how special it was for me to have all those precious memories of her as a baby, and how exciting it would be for us all to welcome a new baby into our home.
Give Your Toddler Responsibility
We shared a lot with our daughter about how the baby wouldn’t just be mommy and daddy’s baby, but he would be her baby too. He would need her to show him and teach him so many things! I also talked about how Mommy would need a lot of help. Once he was born I recruited her in doing all kinds of simple tasks to help me such as fetching me a spit-up cloth, bringing me my nursing pillow, picking out socks for the baby, and helping me bathe him. Being involved in the care for her brother gave her quality time with me, and seemed to reduce any sort of jealousy. I think sharing the responsibility for her brother really instilled in her a lot of affection for him.
Sibling Gifts
It’s a really nice idea to let your toddler pick out a special birthday gift for their new sibling. We let Imogene pick out a special toy and outfit for her baby brother. In addition, a big brother or sister gift is really great too. We got Imogene a special “big sister” shirt (which is still one of her favs).
Read Books
Another thing we did to prep our daughter on the arrival of our son was to go to the library and check out books on expecting a baby, becoming a big sister, etc. Here are some of the books we read together:
You’re Getting a Baby Brother by Sheila Sweeny Higginson (there is a sister version too!)
I have a Brother by Smiljana Coh (there is a sister version too!)
The Berenstain Bears New Baby by Stan Berenstain
Waiting for Baby by Rachel Fuller
There were more that I can’t remember! You can find a plethora at your local library, just ask your librarian for some recommendations.
If your Toddler is Ready, Potty Train
At the time of my pregnancy I was still working in the public school system, and so I had the summer off. Because Imogene would be about 2.5 in the summer, and she was showing all the signs of being ready for it, I decided to go ahead and potty train her. I am so happy I made this decision. It made my life so much easier when her brother arrived in October. For us, we kept her in a diaper at night because she was still in a crib (more on that in the next section), but we got her out of diapers completely within a week, and having that behind me was such a load of my mind and my plate! Of course this is totally dependent on your schedule and the age and development of your toddler, but if you can manage it, you’ll feel better going into the birth of your second child if your first child is potty trained.
Deal with Unresolved Sleep Issues
Imogene was always my good night-sleeper, and therefore I never had to sleep train her, but when she turned two she had a major sleep regression. Instead of falling asleep within 5 minutes, just talking to herself in the crib, it was taking us up to two hours to get her down at night. We frequently had to read or sing to her until she fell asleep, or lay with her in the twin bed in her room and then move her into her crib. She also began waking up at 5:30 in the morning! I’m embarrassed to admit we let this go on for a few months before we did anything about it, hoping it was just a regression and would correct itself. The further I got along in my pregnancy the more clear it became that I could not have a toddler who was not sleeping well; and still function! Rick and I also wanted our evenings together back. We decided it was time to sleep train and it was the BEST decision we could have made. We set a 30 minute routine in place that Imogene was actually excited about, and we used a sleep-training method consistently for two weeks. By day 7 she was falling asleep within 10 minutes, going to be earlier than she ever had before (between 7:30-8 depending on the length of her nap that day) and sleeping in until 7:15/7:30 every single morning! If your Toddler is struggling with sleep issues, don’t wait months to fix it like I did! You can address it now, and be seeing success within two-three weeks! It is possible. I have Toddler Packages available at www.slumberbunnies.com/sleep-packages, or you can start by booking a discovery call at calendly.com/slumberbunnies .
Buy a Second Crib!
Don’t be tempted to fall into the trap of putting your child in a toddler bed or “big kid” bed before the age of at least three either. We tried putting Imogene in her twin size bed, because like so many people we wanted to use her crib for the baby. It did not work! Kids this age are not developmentally ready to navigate when to stay in bed vs. when it’s okay to get up. She was up several times a night when we tried to put her in the bed, but when we let her sleep in her crib she slept 11 hours straight every single night. A second crib is worth every penny you will spend on it! We found our son’s crib second-hand on facebook marketplace for a great price, and it’s in perfect condition. Do some bargain shopping! We got a nice brand of mattress for a discount on Amazon because the packaging was damaged. It was 40% off and nothing was wrong with it but the packaging! You can find deals if you are worried about the money, but trust me, it’s an investment you’ll be so glad you made.
Enjoy the One on One time with Your first Baby
Your first baby will ALWAYS be your baby, but the fact of the matter is, life is going to change when the new baby arrives. You will never get the time back when it was just your first. Soak in every minute! Take time to do some special activities together. Indulge in all the extra snuggles and bonding time. Of course you will want to make time to spend one on one with your firstborn after baby comes, but those first few months are difficult, so make the most of your time now!
If you are reading this and you are expecting a second child soon, I am so happy for you! I wish you the best in the rest of your pregnancy and the birth of your child. Parenting two is quite the transition and it is TOUGH STUFF sometimes! Please reach out to me; not just for sleep stuff, but if you just need some support. Seriously DM me, book a discovery call just to vent (yea we don’t even have to talk about sleep), whatever! Supporting other moms in this journey will always be time well spent for me!
