What Makes Holistic Sleep Support Different?
Key Differences Between Traditional Sleep Training and Holistic Sleep Support
I wanted to dedicate a blog to this topic because it’s a question I get asked often; sometimes from potential clients or followers, and sometimes from Sleep Consultants. What’s the difference between what you do, and sleep training?
For the record, sleep training is part of the service I provide. The main thing is that I do not utilize cry-it-out or separation based techniques (i.e. being left to cry alone, as a method to learning how to fall asleep independently). My techniques are more about gentle sleep shaping strategies that allow babies and children to shift their habits around how they fall asleep, with the help of their caring guardians. There are other key differences as well, which I will discuss here.
The purpose of this blog and its corresponding social media posts is not to cast judgment on traditional sleep training, or those who chose to teach or employ it. I believe that parenting is difficult, and that there is no “right” way to do it. If you love your child and are doing your best to support them mind, body, and soul, then I know you are just trying to find the tools that help you be the best parent you can. The goal rather, is to illuminate what I do, so that if my process aligns with your parenting style and goals, we can talk about working together to improve your family’s sleep. So here goes…
Key Difference Number 1: Sleep Training focuses on Behavior Modification while Holistic Sleep Support Focuses Biological Child Development
What this means in a nutshell is that sleep training is based on the theory of operant conditioning, which basically asserts that behavior can be shaped through punishment and rewards. When we reward desired behaviors they are strengthened, when we “punish” unwanted behaviors they are weakened or extinguished. Most traditional sleep training methods are based on letting the child cry for intervals of time, and lessening the amount of response you provide. By being non-responsive to a baby’s cry, they are eventually trained to stop crying, and yes they will likely form coping mechanisms and find ways to get to sleep without your intervention.
A holistic approach recognizes that crying is a developmentally appropriate form of communication, and that aside from basic needs such as hunger, safe environment, and clean diapers being met; babies and children also have strong emotional needs for connection. Furthermore, infants and children need calming and caring adults supporting them to help co-regulate their emotions, bringing them to a state of enough calm to fall asleep. The holistic approach meets babies and children where they are in that there is a realistic expectation that babies will need the support of an adult to fall asleep and stay asleep as they form a sense of security around sleep, and eventually learn to sleep independently.
Key Differences Number 2 & 3: WIth Traditional Sleep Training, parents respond based on a set of rules, and with rigid consistency, while Holistic Sleep Support allows parents to respond based on their instinct, and change their response when it feels right to them.
These two go together, so I will explain them as one.
If you work with a traditional sleep trainer, read a sleep training book, or buy a sleep training program, what you are basically purchasing is a sleep-training method. This method will essentially be the same for every child, and is a set of rules that you will now follow when you respond to wakings. Most sleep-trainers will ask you to use the rules with rigid consistency for at least two weeks. Children naturally have different temperaments, so one child might quickly get used to your change in response, and begin to see improvement very quickly. Others may react with extended crying (some parents report children crying so hard they might vomit), head banging, severe anxiety around sleep or even entering their room to begin bedtime routine. In these situations, you would likely be asked to trust the process and lean into the method in order to see success.
With holistic sleep support (at least the kind I offer) you will be offered strategies to use at bedtime and naptime that will help you meet your goals, but you will also be encouraged to lean into your baby’s cues and trust your parental intuition. If at any point you or your child reaches a state of hysteria (what I call “The Red Zone”) you would be advised to stop practicing right away and work on restoring calm, and getting your child to sleep in any way that works best for them. We would then work together to adjust our approach as needed for the child and parent. Working with a Holistic Sleep approach the plan is organic and open to natural evolution, rather than a predetermined plan that is concrete and unchanging. This is not to say that consistency isn’t important; being consistent is always going to be the fastest way to see results, but if something isn’t working, we aren’t going to force it; we’ll find strategies that parents feel comfortable practicing with consistency.
Key Difference Number #4: Traditional Sleep Training Focuses Mainly on the Method, while Holistic Sleep Support focuses mainly on the Big Picture.
First off, let me say, if you are hiring a good sleep-trainer, they will most likely be addressing big picture stuff like daily routines, addressing feeding, and screening for medical red flags. If they aren’t doing these things, find a different sleep-trainer; and please don’t give them your money. Having said that, the main focus of your time together will still most likely be centered around using a specific method with a set rules, such as what I described above.
Holistic Sleep Support provides strategies for meeting your goals, but most of the focus is going to be on looking at the whole picture such as:
Identifying root causes of sleep disturbances
Understanding your child’s temperament
Addressing your child’s sensory needs
Addressing your child’s emotional needs
Creating daily routines and rhythms that support your child’s sleep
Assessing your child’s eating habits for optimal nutrition, and to address possible food intolerances
Referring out to other specialists when medical root causes are suspected
Working on family dynamics, and learning about co-regulation and mindfulness
And the list goes on… This is why some folks are drawn to this approach, and some folks aren’t. If you aren’t comfortable working through these topics, you probably don’t want to work with a Holistic coach. This leads into the next key difference…
Key Difference #5: Sleep Training Focuses on Quick Results, While Holistic Sleep Support Focuses on Sustainable Results
Traditional Sleep Training is likely to promise fast results; such as two weeks or even as short as one week. It’s important to note that the quickest results generally come from extinction methods, where you are leaving your child to cry alone for extended periods of time (with the most intensive version being leaving them to cry the entire night if need be). It is true that these methods can work very quickly to extinguish crying, but it is also important to understand that this fix may not be permanent. Many parents go through the anguish (and I do mean anguish because it is REALLY hard to listen to your child cry) of sleep training with a more cry-it-out approach only to find that they have to “re-train” their child often. For example after vacation or illness, after a big developmental leap, or after the child moves to a bed from a crib. All of these are situations in which I have had parents report that they needed to retrain their child. Often this is the time they seek out holistic support, because they don’t want to go through the process again, as it was hard enough the first time.
Holistic sleep support focuses on sustainability rather than fast results. We want to truly build security and confidence in your child around sleep, and the best way to do that is to remain responsive to your child’s communication, and create an environment of loving support around sleep. Instead of having to “retrain” your child after setbacks, you will simply continue to offer support as needed, offering more support during difficult periods, and less as your child gets through the sticky spot. Support will look different for every family based on the parent’s goals, the needs/values of the family, and the child’s needs.
Key Difference #6: Sleep Training often asks parents to choose between responding warmly OR making sleep improvements, while Holistic Sleep Support allows parents to respond warmly while making sleep improvements.
The biggest reasons parents seek out holistic sleep support is because they tried sleep-training and some aspect of it made them uncomfortable. Usually because of how they were asked to respond (or not respond) to their child’s protests. For example, parents have been asked to wean night feeds before they are ready, avoid contact with their children during nighttime awakenings, lock a toddler in their bedroom to prevent them from coming to their parents, or to never pick up their child during the sleep training process even if they are crying intensely. I use the word “often” asked, because I understand that not all sleep training programs use the same methods, and if you have found a good person to work with they should be willing to work with your parenting style. However, sometimes it's just a matter of training. A lot of sleep consultants were not trained to work outside the absolutes of a certain sleep training method, many of which require parents to respond very little, or very uncharacteristically to how they would normally choose to parent.
As part of my intake form with parents I always ask about their dealbreakers; these are sleep strategies they would never consider using. During coaching sessions, I am in open dialogue with the parents, so that I can make recommendations that fit closely with the family’s values. I meet parents and babies where they are so that we can make gentle shifts over time that lead to better sleep. Contrary to methods that increase separation; we often work on boosting connection to optimize sleep, and we prioritize the mental health of everyone in the family, so if a sleep strategy is causing heightened stress we explore different options.
Final Thoughts
Again, this discussion is not to cast judgment on sleep-training or make anyone feel bad for trying to get a better night’s sleep. What I really want to encourage parents to do is find someone to work with that aligns with their parental values, and is willing to respect their autonomy as a parent to make the best decisions for their child around sleep. If my approach to sleep work sounds like it fits with your perspective, and you’re looking for sleep support that is responsive and attachment focused, I’d love to talk more with you about your situation and explore ways that we could work together! You can book a discovery call with me today at https://www.slumberbunnies.com/contact.
